when did people decide to be like “hey i’m all grown up and stuff”?

Why is everyone now like, HEY LETS BE GROWN UPS AND GET MARRIED!  I DECIDED THAT I WANTED TO HAVE A BABY. LETS BE ALL ADULT AND STUFF NOW.

I swear to god, that’s all I am seeing on facebook now.  So and so is engaged now.  So and so is now married.  LOOK AT THE PICS OF MAH BAY-BAY, she’s three months old.

WHERE IN THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN?  COLLEGE LA LA LAND?  There have been at least three or four people that I have stalked on facebook whose life situations have shocked the living hell out of me.

  • This guy I was childhood friends with and I’m pretty sure that we would have dated if the bastard hadn’t moved away is you guessed it…MARRIED.  Where the fuck have I been?  WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?  To make things even better is that he is soooo dreamily cute looking but nooooo he had to go to things somewhere else la la la la, be a poophead.
  • This girl that I was friends with def had a baby.  No idea that she had a baby.  Then I look on her profile one day and I’m like oh holy shit you definitely have a kid.  When and where did this happen?
  • I swear to god if I see another alert that someone has gotten engaged I am going to slam my head into my desk.  I swear to god, its popping up on my news feed like stds pop up on the cast of jersey shore’s std testing.

When the hell did everyone decide to be like oh hey lets like grow up or something? We still are babies compared to everyone else in the world. As much as I pine away and hope to god that I am going to get married (ha ha…longshot), I am definitely not ready to settle down and be a mom. Because I don’t want to give birth because that shit is going to hurt and ruin my body. Plus I can’t take care of myself let alone another miniature version of me.  Plus I really don’t think the world is ready for Rachel 2.0.  You thought this version was bad, think again.

God, I hope I’m not going to show up at my ten year reunion looking like a bigger loser than I already was in high school. My luck imma roll up in that bitch alone and then everyone is going to be like HAHAHAHA I’M MARRIED AND YOU AREN’T. I HAVE A FAMILY AND A RICH HUSBAND WHO PAYS FOR EVERYTHING AND YOU ARE STILL LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS. HAHAHAHAHAH. Then I’ll probably go home and then write in this blog about how big of jag offs everyone was.

High school was a pit of hell for me. Out of all of the people in my senior class, I think I only like about 50-60 of them. And that’s being generous. People were fucking assholes in high school and let’s be honest they probably are still assholes and will continue to be assholes. That why I need to be the one rolling up into my high school reunion being like “FUCK YENS, LOOK AT MY HOT HUSBAND”. Then I want to go up to all the people who were mean and got really fat and then shove it their face. I have a list of about 15 people that I couldn’t stand and I am hoping to god next time I see them they are sooooooo fat its not even funny. Like as big as this chick that I saw on Dr. Oz:

THAT BIG.

So to sum up this shit show of a post, PEOPLE NEED TO STOP GROWING UP BECAUSE IT’S FREAKING ME OUT AND I WANT TO TOO BUT THEN I DONT WANT TO EITHER BECAUSE I LIKE ACTING LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD KID IN A 21 YEAR OLD’S BODY.

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About panthersofamerica

I am a crazed 26 year old who is mentally 7 years old. I love the internetz and making people laugh, so what's better than having a blog full of stuff that makes people laugh? Nothing, that's what I tell you.
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