movie review: why i do not like the movie jumper

Today I went to Julie and Vanessa’s room to watch the movie Jumper. At first I thought it was going to be really stupid. And then I watched the first half of the movie and thought it was cool. But Hayden Christensen decided to start being a tool like midway through and Samuel L Jackson was being a jerk for like no apparent reason. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed…GEEEZEEE. And then to top it off, Kristin Stewart makes a cameo in the movie and makes that retarded face she always makes.

Case and point.

AND THE END? WHAT THE HELL? Oh, we are going to go somewhere and just magically poof. There was no closure whatsoever. And can someone drop off some smart pills or something to Hayden Christensen? I mean come on dumbass, just hide at Mount Everest and no one will find you. Duhhh. I can’t see Samuel L. Jackson hiking his ass all the way up there to kill you. Same with Antarctica. He’s not going to go there. Or Wyoming. Because Wyoming is boring. Just like Indiana.

Though there were somethings in the movie that made me happy. It was really fun to make comments about it and yell at the actors when they were pissing me off. Especially Samuel L. Jackson, you tricky motherfucker.

And okay, they did get ONE thing right and that was when Hayden Christensen realized that he could teleport, the first thing he did was steal money from that bank. GENNIUUSSS. In most movies they make the main character have morals and shit. “Ohhhh I have these really cool superpowers but I would never abuse them because I am sooooo pure and blahblahblah” WHATEVER. You actually think that if a real person got superpowers that they wouldn’t abuse them? Hell, if I could teleport, the Fifth Third Bank on the University of Indianapolis campus would be missing a shit ton of money right now. Also I would be the world record holder in several swimming events and I would ironically possess several things that I’ve always wanted like those Dr. Dre Beats headphones. That would be amazing. 🙂

Because he stole the money from the bank like a normal person would do, I would have to give this movie 3 points. And then 1 more point because of a prank call my friend did that pertained to this movie.



About panthersofamerica

I am a crazed 26 year old who is mentally 7 years old. I love the internetz and making people laugh, so what's better than having a blog full of stuff that makes people laugh? Nothing, that's what I tell you.
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