Now that we are getting back to good ol’ football season, I thought this would be an adequate time to discuss more of the football teams I hate. Because I pretty much hate all of them. Well except for the Steelers, cause they’re awesome and stuff. I mean, look at Antonio Brown’s face. You can’t look at him straight in the eye and hate him. So yeah he spartan kicked a punter from the Browns in the face, but he’s still awesome.
1. Patriots – The Patriots are just jags. Let’s be honest. You have a prissy quarterback that complains every time he’s get sacked plus his hair was cut like Justin Bieber. Then there was some stupid jerk who played for them that punched Ben, and that pissed me off. Besides that, can you think of one person that actually like them that does not live in Boston area? I’m pretty sure everyone hates them. Actually like 99% sure everyone hates them.
2. Browns – You know that stupid, pathetic kid in class that tries to pick fights with you and thinks that they are smarter than you and in reality you could pwn them in like less than 30 seconds? That is the Browns. Literally, the Browns literally suck all the time. But then, of course, when the Steelers play the Browns, you have that whole rivalry crap and then instantly they play okay and then we almost get beat and I really want to rip my hair out. But then there’s times when we beat them on Christmas Eve like 41-0. (That was fun game to watch, especially when Antwaan Randle-El threw that flea flicker pass to Hines Ward and all the Browns are just standing there watching Hines Ward run into the end zone)
3. Jaguars – Well the Jags…are pretty much Jags.
4. Raiders – Think of the biggest screw up in your life. Could be your brother, sister, or friend that went the white trash route. The Raiders are the screw ups of the NFL similarly to the Browns. They go for those too good to be true scams. I can get 10K for giving my banking account to this Nigerian prince in an email! This is awesome, I’ll go for it. That in a nutshell, is the Oakland Raiders. This is another team where players go to end their careers.
5. Eagles – Okay, seriously, who the hell boos Santa Clause off the the field? Oh wait, Eagles fans. These fans are that really big bully that you were scared to walk past in school. The weird thing is, that the Eagles usually are let down. Holy crap, we almost made it to the playoffs, oh shit we lost to a really shitty team because Michael Vick got hurt when a fly landed on his shoulder. I know Nick Foles in the QB now, but that’s how it used to be. I really don’t have a huge problem with them, to be honest.
6. Green Bay – Meh. I’m still pissed at those A-holes for the Super Bowl in 2010. Fucking Steelers. Fun fact about that game is that I, in fact, did not throw a hissy fit. Normally I do, but I did not. Personally, I think they are like the hipster team. Yeah, yeah, you say their fans are awesome, but not as awesome as Stiller fans. We are the bomb. We speak broken english, eat Primanti Brothers, get really drunk and get in fights with people. What more can you ask for?
7. Saints – I like them for beating the Colts. I remember when that dude picked the pass off, my entire family is screaming at the top of their lungs GO GO GO GO. And then when he scored, of course I start yelling Fuck you Peyton Manning! Oh god, that next day at school was so wonderful. Especially after all the bullshit I got from people after the Steelers won. “Oh, the Steelers cheated. James Harrison punched a guy in the face, wah, wah, wah.” Whatever, we got 6 rings beeetches.
8. Seahawks – I like these guys too. Russell Wilson is a boss. And I wish Marshawn Lynch played for the Steelers, he is freaking awesome too. I love how he sticks to his guns and doesn’t let the media get to him. He’s just there to play football and he’s awesome at it. I wouldn’t be surprised if they won the Super Bowl again.